A "Big" Contender

It appears we have a last-minute entry for Father's Day Pictionary!

"Enjoy."

Admit it, Adam L: you see Cthulhu wearing Mickey Mouse ears in a spider cocoon, too.

Father's Day Pictionary

Looking for a fun bonding experience with Dad this weekend? Then how about a little cake Pictionary? It's easy! Here, I'll get you started.

Is this:

A) A sofa

B) A ball cap

or

C) Worth $3.99


The answer, of course, is D.

See? Easy!

Ok, your turn.

Is this:

A) An exploding cup of hot chocolate

B) A golf bag

or

C) An appropriate use of an ellipsis

("Aaand the results are in! Happy Father's Day... Bobby! That means Carlos, Jimmy, Leon, Billy, Brad and Tony are NOT the fathers!"

"NO! It ain't true! AAAH LUUUUUV YEEEEEW, JIMMEH!!")

Ahem.

Okay, now here's a tough one. Prepare for multiple multiple choices!

Is this:

A) A chubby bearded pirate with a missing foot sitting on a stack of marshmallows

B) Santa's love handles

C) The Hamburgler, turned inside out

D) Pretty much anything except a grill

or

E) Still more appetizing than this:

Ok, so maybe that wasn't so hard, after all.

Thanks to Sarah J., Amnesty, Kimberly M., & Rachel M. for playing!

ANSWER KEY:

Please tell me in the comments, because I have no friggin' idea.

Thank you.

Artsy Fartsy

[adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.

[faint applause]

"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, let's begin.

"Our first piece was painted by Japanese artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"

"It sells for $490,000.

"Our next piece comes from Swedish craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."

"It sells for $893,000.

"The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."

"It sells for $10 million.

"Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."

"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million.

"Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:

'Summer Daisies for Janet'

$7.5 million

'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'
$27.5 million

'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'
$17.5 million

'Texas'
$6.66 million

"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...

'Coffee Cake with Icing'
$6.00

Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.

Guess What!

It's time to play everyone's favorite game:

What...Is...THIS??

Hm. Well, it says, "Princess," and there's a scepter and a tiara on it.

So I'm going with "uterus."


Uh...

Also "uterus."


"Uterus on LSD."


"Uterus with sprinkles"


"This is getting ridiculous."


And finally, today's bonus round is in the bag:

The magic baby bag.

Awww yeeeeeah.

Hey, Mandi B., Elizabeth A., Vicktoria R., Caitlin & Anthony, Kelly J., & Shayna S., you know how to politely refuse a uterus cake, right? "Thanks, but I gestate."

Bouncing Here And There And EV'rywhere!

"Dashing and daring, courageous and caring,

faithful and friendly with stories to share!

"All through the forest they sing out in chorus,

marching along as their song fills the air!

"Guuummy Beeeears!"


[record screeching to a halt]

*chirp*

*chirp*

Um, thanks, Jordan B.

Hey Rab-baht!

Today, we're going to talk about carrots.

Or more specifically, carrot cake. You see, for hundreds of thousands of years, bakers have been trying to hide the taste of carrots - which is most charitably described as "dirt-like"- by mixing it with truckloads of sugar and cream cheese icing. This makes even the most rancid of vegetables - aka, carrots - slightly less disgusting and, of course, extremely healthy.

But how does a baker, who is bound by law to disclose that his cake actually contains putrid dirt veg, tell his customers without making them want to vomit?

Well, there's always lying:

"That's funny; why do these red velvet cupcakes taste like feet?"

Or making it completely illegible:

"Hm. I feel like these orange arrows are trying to tell me something about my Canb cake. But what could it be?!?"

Or the baker can mangle the shape of the aforementioned foul devil vegetable to confuse people:

"I'm detecting notes of chocolate icing and...is that...? Yes...I think it is! Fetid bunny swill. Huh."

Some have tried tweaking the color to muppet blue:

This way instead of imagining carrots - the ingrown hairs of the earth - in your cake, you can imagine synthetic fur - which is of course a vast improvement.

In the end, though, it's always best to just be honest:

Cak Rot?

Sounds about right to me.

Note: Before the carrot cake coalition comes after me, I should mention that I actually love carrot cake. Carrots, however, are evil like the froo-its of the de-vill. Which just goes to show: if you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy.

Special thanks to peachesrevenge, Simon L., Nora B., Lacey J., Natasha T., and my Mac Thesaurus, which never lets me down.

Here's Your Sprinkles

Sprinkles:

Doin' it wrong:

"Wow, that's a lot of sprinkles."

Doin' it wronger:

"Wow, that's a lot of...

"Waaait a minute.

"Is that... paper?"

It IS!!

Not cool, man. Not. Cool.

Sorry, Anne-Marie and Katie W.; I guess one of you still can't have any.


Update: If you can't tell, the bottom cake is an edible photocopy of sprinkles. Yupperdoodles.

What's This?

Earlier today John had the song "What's This?" from Nightmare Before Christmas stuck in his head.

After looking at these Wrecks, now *I* do.

What's this? What's this?
There's color everywhere

What's this?
There's white things in the air



What's this?


It's orange and so hairy - what's the deal with those two berries? I don't care!
What's this?

[bumpahbumpahbumpabumpabumpabBUM]


What's this? What's this?
I can't believe my eyes,


What's this?
A donkey tank surprise?

What's this? A swirly mass so curly, could the purple be too girly? Should this song be ending early? No we're going 'til we hurl-y!!

What's this?

Could it be, oh could it be? Did I get my wish?

Here's something that makes sense: a meteorite bird fiiiish!

What's this?

[dumpadumpadumpadumpbaBUM]

[wheeyouwheeyouwheeyouwhee...]

What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong!



What's this? That blue thing's really long.

What's this?

It's positively crappy, and yet I feel so happy, have I possibly gone sappy? I think I need a nappy 'cuz this song is kind of rappy so I guess I'll get a frappey and go shopping at the Gappy...

WHAT.

IS.

THIS?!?

S.K., Patrick T., Chris E., Reagan B., Rebekah W., Austin L., Alex S., Kaylyn M., & Mikaela, your guess is as good as mine.

Oh, and for your continued "enjoyment" I have a special treat today: while we were writing this post, John & #1 (aka "the other Jen") kept singing it to get the cadence right. This...got really entertaining.

So, I decided to tape them.

There were a few interruptions, but overall I think you'll find their rendition...um...well...just don't have the volume up too loud, k?

"Enjoy!"

(If you're wondering what my contribution is here, I'm the one doing the scrolling. And giggling.)

Update from john: Please note that no animals were harmed during the making of this video. :)

Multiple Choice Wrecks

The great thing about modern art is that the subject matter is often left open to interpretation. So for these cakey specimens, I figured I'd give you a few options:

a) a hairy alien hand, complete with '33' tattoo

b) minnows attacking a log in a mud puddle
c) a cactus, to show how "cuddly" Mandy is

a) a post-modern pear
b) My 2nd-grade art project
c) an African "beer basket"

a) a diagram of a frog's reproductive system
b) a wishbone jumping rope
c) a T-bone steak

(Ok, that one was too easy; the inscription gave it away.)

a) salt and pepper shakers
b) dumbbells in front of a giant graffiti-ed pickle
c) a skateboard

a) a gladiator sandal with extra arch support
b) Something the under-14 set really shouldn't be looking at
c) a corset? Er, I mean, a corset. Yeah.

Matthias, Anony, Teresa, Angela M., & Sydney W., here's a hint: The answer is always "c".


- Related Wreckage: Dastardly Dad Designs

Put The Coffee DOWN

It's not often that a baker submits on of his/her own creations for us to pick on. But Maayan, who both bakes and documents funny food horrors, did just that.

The following diet-assisting monstrosity was actually ordered by a customer. And what is it?



Go ahead, guess. I'll wait...

Spaghetti with tomato-y cream sauce?

An ear?

A cherry, Cheez-Whiz and regurgitation torte?

Nope, nope and nope! Give up?

It's a fetus-with-an-iPod pie!

Uh, I guess fetus cookies would have been going too far?


Thanks to Maayan Z. for being such a great sport!

- Related Wreckage: Fetal Bites

Game Show Results

Judging from your overwhelming response to yesterday's post, I'm sure it will surprise none of you to learn that the Guess-a-Wreck was indeed supposed to resemble the Super Dome in New Orleans. Here's what that looks like:


And the cake again:
Now the to the fun part.

Most of you either saw a couch, grilling steak/lobster/sushi, a Boyscout campfire, a French bed, or a coffin carried by beetles. There were also conjectures including demonic pianos, misshapen torsos, and tombstones. A few of you even reported favorable relationships with your mothers, which was nice to hear.

With over 500 comments posted, it was hard for me to choose just 3 "winners". However, here are three rather creative answers that made me chuckle:

metalnoir wrote:

"Doc, I'm seeing the wringer mechanism from one of those old-style clothes washing machines which are popularly referred to as wringer-washers; and, it's in mid-wring of a garment with a French Fleur de Lys pattern.

Oh, and, Doc, I don't really much care about the fame and fortune. I just want the PAIN to GO AWAY! Please, can you help me, Doc?"

Metalnoir, I advise vast amounts of sugar consumption. That'll be $125, please.

Here's Leslie's $.02:

"Of course it's not the Superdome. What we have here is a re-enactment of the Great Beetle Linen Theft of 1658.
Unbeknownst to most historians, it wasn't Louis the 14th's dicey wedding plans that led to tense relations with Spain, but rather the King of Spain sending his hoardes of racing beetles (depicted here with their little racing numbers) to steal Louis the 14th's favorite sheets (which in this cakey re-creation had just been neatly folded after being laundered).
As we all know, most men are cranky when they don't sleep well and therefore skirmishes broke out shortly after the incident.
*nods earnestly*"

Fascinating. Thanks for giving us the low down, Les!


And Tanya Brown's explanation was short but sensible:

"It's Gulliver's sleeping bag, and he's just killed the entire football-playing population of Lilliputia."

Ah, of course! How could I not have seen it?

And these readers get honorable mentions:

"The football team got teleported to the Land of OZ (note the yellow brick road) by a large grey rock where a giant couch (complete with fleu-de-lis decorative cusion) and coffee table were dropped on them. That dark reddish brown piping at the bottom is depicting the gory nastyness."

-Evellyn

"Clearly, this is France's revenge for our calling french fries "freedom fries". They have sent a mutated, grilled baked potato to wreak havoc on our country, it's deadly fleur-de-lis ready to eviscerate any slow-moving american in its path (and as many fr9ies as many of us have eaten, we are slow-moving indeed.)

Why did they take so long to attack? They didn't. The spud of doom is propelled by classic French escargot (snails to us Americans.) It just takes them a while to get where they are going."

--Cpeter13


"...a Cajun leprechaun's pot of stone soup that he's serving at his Monday Night football party."

- Karin

Thanks, everyone! Rest assured there will be more Guess-a-Wrecks coming your way soon!


Note: If any of you "winners" would like your name linked to your blog or website, please leave a comment on this post to let me know. Thanks!

Cake Wrecks the Game Show?

Some cakes are like those ink blot tests you saw in grade school: baffling blobs of color open to interpretation. Well, not exactly; cakes are usually supposed to look like something in particular. Sometimes they taste better, too.

Anyway, since I've gotten a few of these "ink blot" type cakes submitted, I thought it'd be fun to add a little suspense to your daily dose of Wreckage. That's right, boys and girls, now it's time to play...

"Guess That Wreck!"

Everyone ready? Ok, clear your mind of all thoughts. Now, scroll down and tell me what you see:



"What's that? Ah, you see the moon cooking on the grill in a paper bag? [scribbling on notepad] Interesting, veeery interesting... [looking over glasses] And tell me, how IS your relationship with your mother?"

Check back tomorrow for the "answer": I'll post a picture of what the cake was supposed to look like. In the mean time, let's see who can come up with the most outrageous explanation. I may even post the top 3 guesses here, so bring on the funny, folks; fame and fortune await!*



Thanks to Dana W. for inspiring a brand new category! Oh, and Dana? Don't go giving away the answer just yet, k?

*By "fame" I mean a shout-out to your posting name, and "fortune" is used more in the "destiny" sense of the word than the "wealth or riches" sense. So in other words, no, you won't be getting any money*. Unless someone sends it to you, of course. But that someone would not be me. So probably not.

* Or begetting any money, either; 'cuz that'd just be weird. And wrong. But mostly weird.