Making New Friends

In an effort to get to know you readers a bit better, today I thought we'd have one of you introduce yourselves. You know, foster a little more community and whatnot.

So, take it away, Debbie!

Hello! My name is Debbie, and this is my first attempt at a Cake Wrecks bio. So I'm nervous, but excited at the same time! Wheee!

So, I'm just going to start talking about what I like, and hope you like it!

Um. Let's see. I am... a relatively new Cake Wrecks reader. Um. I love...

...cats.

I love every kind of cat.

I love cats with fur, and cats without fur, and cats in hats, and cats that don't even look like cats...


[sniffle]

I'm sorry. I just...I just really love cats.

[wiping eyes]

And...and I just want to hug all of them because I love them but I can't 'cuz that's crazy I can't hug every cat. BUT I WANT TO. You know? I WANT TO HUG EVERY CAT.

[blowing nose]

Um. Wow. Sorry - I got a little emotional there. Heh.

I also like to...to...

[sob]

I'm sorry; I'm thinking about cats again.

I just...I just LOVE them, and I WANT them. I want them in a basket, and I want them in little bow ties, and I want them to be on a rainbow, and I want a house FULL OF CATS and we would all ROLL AROUND...


[more sobbing]

'Cuz they're all just so CUTE with their little whiskers...



...and their little ears...



...and their little delicious vital organs...

So, yeah. I guess you could say I'm a cat lover.

Um.

And I like to run.

Thanks to Minyassa, David G., Judy E., Briana T., Rachel R., Nancy S., Michelle F., Emily Z., & Stewart C., who are also inspired to run. Far, far away.


And if you haven't seen the live action version of today's post yet, here 'tis:

Ties That Bind

Ah, neck ties. Those glorious, generic "Dad" gifts that men have enjoyed - nay, cherished! - since the invention of clothing. After all, what can make you feel more alive than a silk noose around your neck signifying lifelong membership in the greater corporate collective? Hmmm?

And, naturally, when it comes to getting dad a cake on his special day, bakers sure know how to please:

They, uh, also appear to have a rather low opinion of dads' fashion sense.

Or maybe they've read that a lot of men are at least partially colorblind, and decided Dad wouldn't notice:

I'm calling it: yellow and beige is the most disgusting color combination known to man.

Or maybe they think we were all raised in the circus.

"To Dad, Our Favorite Bozo."

Hey, remember that time Dad said his new tie from Aunt Edna looked like crap?

Well, they've got a cake for that, too!

The sprinkles really sell it.

Of course, then there are the bakers who've never actually seen a tie...

...but wouldn't think of letting that stop them.

But my friends, it doesn't have to be this way.

Just say "no" to tie cakes! Say "no" to boring clichés! Instead, go with creativity! Go with quality! Go with...

...a flaming Quidditch Snitch riding a unicycle on a tank top cake!

Yeah.

You're welcome, fathers everywhere.

Many tanks to Anne J., Luli M., Vanessa B., Denise M., Zoe I., & Becky T. for getting all tied up on our behalf. [mrowr]

Oh, and a belated "epi briday" to Dorothy "big deal" M. Nappy blob blob, Dor!

Hats Off For Grads!

Way, way, WAY off.

Seriously. I still don't see it.


Now, for the past few years this has been the gold standard for wrecked grad cap cakes:

And believe me, that is one tough standard to beat.


Still, this year's wreckerators are certainly giving it their "best" effort:

My. How...swirly.

This design brought to you by the bad guy in Fifth Element.

(10 geek points if you get that reference, and 25 if you know his name.)

And finally, my personal favorite: two cherries projectile vomiting on a picnic table:

I need an old cherry pitter, and a young cherry pitter.

A tip of the hat to wreckporters Angi C., Casey H., April P., Jennifer S., & Holly K., who find that the power of cake compels them. (Although that last one really is the pits.)

Aaaand...HEADDESK!

To learn the definition of the term "headdesk" you could look it up in the urban dictionary.

Or you could just look at these cakes.

Your spelling's not! Thanks!

(Bonus: Read that line out loud, and every preschooler within earshot will love you.)

STOP.
It's time to get the hammer.

Roo Hoo? Dangit, now I want a Yoo Hoo.
Do they even still make those?

Basketball fans, the ball's in your court.


So remember: it's "i" before "e" except when you're trying to draw a friggin' peace sign.

Which, incidentally, is supposed to look like this:

[repeated thudding sound]

[rubbing forehead] Thanks to Shawna K., Mary D., Caitlin I., Stacey S., & Angi A. for this awful headache.

Get Used to Disappointment

It's time once again to take all your lofty dreams of realized cake-ordering expectations... and douse them with the bitter dregs of cold, hard reality.

Oh, yeah. It's gonna be THAT good.

What they ordered:

What they got:

And here I thought all carrots grew under the ground.

Ordered:

Got:

A tip of the hat for an exceptionally crumby job.


Ordered:


Got:

Finally. A baby cake I wouldn't mind cutting.

Happy day at the pool:

Nightmare at La Brea Tar Pits:

Anyone else having flashbacks of Tasha Yar's death scene?

Thanks to Megan G., Candace R., Alisha T., Catie S., & Suzanne S., who all "exceed expectations." Mostly because my expectations are really, really low.

-----------------------------------

Happy Towel Day!

Hey, hoopy froods, it's Towel Day! This is the day when we celebrate hitchhiking the galaxy, Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters, and, of course, potted petunias.

I wonder if they'll be friends with me?

So, grab your towel...

Hey, even the terrible ones have fringe benefits.

...and sit back and relax while I serve up something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a teapot.

DON'T PANIC.

This hypnotized bunny rabbit is mostly harmless.

He may also be a teapot:

But that's pretty improbable.


Besides, it could always be worse.


Like so:

My, mister teapot, what an unfortunately colored spout you have.


Hey, here's a tip:




So, in conclusion:

42.


Oh, and:

"Want to see my spaceship?"

Thanks to Cassandra, Tracy B., Amanda Q., Leigh J., Kendra H., and Margaret C., my plastic pals who're fun to be with!

---------------------------------------------------

Picture This

Sometimes you want your cake to match your party invitations. Hey, no biggie, right? I mean, bakers do this all the time! So, just bring in the invite...

[Picture removed]

...and then watch the magic happen.

(Photo removed at the request of the baker. Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot)

Mmmm. Magic.

And you must admit: no body makes it better.


Or say you have a specific item you want replicated in cake.

You know, like a camcorder.

(Really?)

(Oh. Ok. Really.)

Well, no problem. They can do that, too!

That's one for the record books.

And with all the company picnics out there, you know bakers can freehand logos like nobody's business:

See? Just like nobody's business!

Or how about trying an entire building?

It's all in the airbrush.


Enough business, though. What do you say we loosen things up with something a little... sexy?

Mrow.

Uh...

Well, on the bright side, at least the baker was generous with the serving sizes!

Because anything less would have been a waist.

Thanks to Anony M., Hannah I., Emily C., Bridey, & another Anony. And hey, you know what they say! "A moment with these hips on your lips, and your hips...I mean, your LIPS...no. Wait. Look. There's an old saying in Tennessee. Or was it Taiwan? Anyway. Fool me once, shame on..uh...look, you can't get fooled again, is what I'm saying. Sooo. Yeah.

[dramatic eyebrow lift]

Strategery.