Sunday Sweets: Like Buttah

Buttercream icing, that is.

Yep, here's another fondant-free installment for you purists out there. I've got nothing against fondant per se, but I do agree that all-icing decorations are much yummier. Besides, it's nice to see what cake artists can come up with when they're limited to non-fondant options.

First up, Alison B. of Town Lake Cakes certainly knows where the wild things are:

Alison, will you tell us your secret to drawing such perfect characters? I'm guessing you used either a stencil or possibly hand-drawn chocolate transfers - am I close? Of course, whatever you used, I love the result.

Speaking of love, I am gaga for the bright colors and glass-smooth icing on this Abby Cadabby cake Shelly M. got for her daughter's birthday:

Isn't it adorable? And you'd really never know it wasn't fondant, the lines are so clean. The bakers over at The Cake Stand in McKinney, Texas clearly have some mad skilz.

You know how we're always getting down on grocery-store decorators? Well believe it or not, not all of them are illiterate goofballs; some of them are real artists. And a few of these artists are determined to change my mind on the horror of CCCs. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. [eye roll]

However, I will grudgingly admit that this Squidward CCC is darn impressive:

The decorator in question whipped this up for a customer on the spot at the grocery store where s/he works, but asked to remain anonymous. For those of you not up on your Sponge Bob characters, here's a reference shot of Squidward:

Nice, huh? Or at least, it looks like him. ;)


And lastly, Jody H.'s creation - also a Cupcake Cake, and also all buttercream - is flatly astounding:



Wait, wait, wait. A CCC...with airbrushing... and it's NOT a WRECK?!? I think my head may implode: clearly we've entered some kind of parallel universe here.

Oh, and if you don't recognize Jose, the famous "Jalapeno on a Steeck", watch this:
(Note to moms: vid includes mild language.)

Or As I Like to Call it, "The School of Hard Knocks"

As instructive as marriage can be, maybe we should be celebrating our "anniversities".

Today's lesson:

Cleaning Up Cat Vomit

And Other Things that Turn Women Off, But For Some Reason Not Men.

Lisa, I hear there's a hairball treatment for that.

Shirking my Shirtly Duties

I know, I know: it's been forever since I posted a new shirt design. And obviously you all are just wasting away from a lack of proper Wreckwear selection. Sorry. I've been writing Cake Wrecks the book, and with a mid-April deadline it's all I can do to keep the daily posts coming some days. (Excuses, excuses...)

Well anyway, here's a quickie for ya. After the surprising popularity of the Sailor Blobs yesterday, I whipped up this little number:

Which I think is pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself. It also looks great on a white t-shirt, which you can see here, or on yellow or lime*.

I posted the design here and not the shirt view because the text is hard to see clearly over on Zazzle. Check the store for other goodies, and let me know if you'd like to see something there that isn't.

And as always, if you have a Cake Wrecks shirt design you want me to feature, e-mail it to me! If I use it, I'll link to your store or site both on Zazzle and here on the blog.

Thanks, all! Wreck on!

*As with everything on Zazzle, you can change the shirt's color and style by clicking "select a different shirt style" in the upper right-hand corner of the product page.

First Impressions

My issues with baby shower cakes are well-documented. And while I don't plan to have kids myself, I know that the whole if/when/how many thing on the kid-front is a huge, life-changing decision.

So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.

Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators:
You're SO Not Helping.

Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?


Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.

Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:


Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!

I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.

Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]


*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....

UPDATE: Hey, commenters! If you're referencing my Twitter debacle, please don't use the "naughty" word, ok? A lot of kids read this site, and we don't need them Googling it. Thanks!

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Haa!

Ho ho, heehee, haha, they're coming to take me away!!!

I'm not sure what these things are supposed to be, but they've been popping up at bakeries all across the U.S. lately. Could the carrot jockeys have some competition on their hands?

"Soon, your race of sugar-craving giant sloths shall be OURS. Thaaat's right, we're cute, aren't we? You want to take us hooome, and show us all your financial staaaatements."

These guys are going less for "cute" and more for "mortal terror":

"The claaaaaw! The claw will choose who will go, who will stay, and who will have his or her face rearranged."

Look, they even have a naval division:

"We're Popped-Eyes, the sailor blobs,
We're Popped-Eyes, the sailor blobs,
You won't want to finish,
'Cuz we taste like spinach,
We're Popped-Eyes the sailor blobs!"

Nancy H., Bridget D., Siiri L. & Heather K., I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats. Really.

(Now we get to find out which of you were around in the 60s. Let the age-determining comments begin!)

UPDATE: The general consensus seems to be these are "frog cakes". More info here.

UPDATE UPDATE: No, they're not supposed to be Bob from Monsters vs Aliens. What, you think I would miss a kids' movie tie-in? Give me a little credit, eh?

Carrot Jockeys Make Excellent Ground Troops

I make no bones about my bid for Wrecky World Domination, and I think you'll all agree that Cake Wrecks is an excellent model for government. [insert joke about Wrecky administrations here]

Anyway, I can tell my evil plan is working, in part, by the number of Carrot Jockeys successfully infiltrating society at large. Here are just a few of the NMBCJ sitings I've had reported:

Here they are flying/gallivanting in classic carrot formation through Mallory H.'s home...


Spreading spelling errors in Ann S.'s...


Terrorizing Jennifer and Krista in their "stealth CCC" mode...


Circling up for a little Jockey powwow over at Maggie H.'s...



And even easing the pain of "workforce reduction" over at Ryan J.'s.*

You know how ELSE I can tell my bid for Wrecky World Domination is working? By winning all three Bloggies Cake Wrecks was nominated for at the Ninth Annual Weblog Awards on Monday. That's right, my loyal wrecky henchpersons, thanks to you Cake Wrecks is "officially" the Best New Blog, Best Writing of a Blog, and Best Food Blog** of 2008. Woot woot!

Next stop: Disneyland. That's right; I shall not rest until I've ridden the Matterhorn enough times to make myself physically ill. And that, my friends, is a campaign promise. [nodding seriously]


*In case you're wondering what that is, Ryan explains "We had trouble finding anything like the babies from the infamous cake screw-up, so we used a rubber fetus we had laying around. Don't ask me why we have a rubber fetus hanging around." Roger on that, Ryan; I won't ask.


** As sweet as victory is, the fact is I've never considered CW a "Food Blog", and feel undeserving each time an award site places it in that category. So allow me to to give a shout-out to the other, more appropriate, nominees in that category. If you like to cook, or even to just read about people who do, check them out:

Chocolate & Zucchini

The Pioneer Woman Cooks (Also the winner of Best Blog of the Year. If you haven't already, go see what all the buzz is about. )

Smitten Kitchen

Bakerella (The one, the only.)