The Abbreviation Sensation Sweeping the Nation

I guess it started innocently enough.

When your "Yay Jesus" crowds out the rest of the text, you cut a few corners on the "birthday" to cram it all in. Ok, fine. I get it.

The problem started when some wreckerator somewhere looked at that and thought, "Hey, that saves me four whole letters! I should write it that way ALL the time!"

And so...[dramatically steepling fingers]...it began.

First a dash was added, to make it seem more respectable:

It's an unwritten rule in baking that you can butcher a name as much as you like, so long as it's followed by a question mark.


Then they ditched the 'B':


Next, the "day":

The first 28 were delicious.


And finally, inevitably, we arrived at...this.

One can only hope they were charging by the letter.

Can it get any worse, you ask?

Oh, please. You know better than to ask that by now, don't you? [smirk]

It's like a code. Am I wishing you a happy birthday? Maybe, maybe not. I might be wishing you a Herniated Bowels day. Because, yeah, I do that sometimes.


And yet, shockingly, we still haven't gotten to the worst part of this whole abbreviation craze.


Think with me for a moment: are there any holidays out there that might not do well in an abbreviated form? Any at all? C'mon. Think about it.

Give up?

Oh, good. I'm positively itching to show you this last photo.

It's a Valentine's Day cake. Scout's honor.

Thanks, Erin C., Aimee P., Michelle W., Angela C., Darnell, Elizabeth, & Chris. Y'all are hunk a' hunks of burnin' love in my book.

The Number Won

Hey, guys! Number 1 here, and it's my birthday!! I am so excited to have my first birthday as a Cake Wrecks writer. What wreckiness will I get to witness FIRST HAND this year?!? I can't wait. I keep imagining Jen ordering me a cake with some sort of numerical wreckery like "Numbered One," "1 Number," "1# One," "Nummer Won," or "Numb Are Want in pink icing." So in that spirit, here are some other Wrecks whose days are numbered.

Maybe it's celebrating Mr. Big's 13th episode of "Sex in the City?"

Yeah...probably not.
(Next to "Big," it should read, "off-center.")

At least they wrote a big "13" though. It would have been doubly wreckalicious if they wrote it all tiny-like...

...which brings me to:

In this case, "Giant 57" = "Giant empty space and 57 rainbow sperm."

A very merry unbirthday to this guy:

Hey, who's counting?

Here's how Kelly got a brand new nickname:

(Give it a minute.)

It could be an inspirational cake, though, if you just tweak the punctuation:

"Asbigas, you can make it! 30! Happy Birthday."

See?

There's really no excuse, Ricki M., Jane R., Callie B., and Kelly (A.K.A. Asbigas.) These cakes are a giant number #2! With pink stars. And frosting flowers under neat.


UPDATE: I got my wish!! Here are the cake mounds Jen and John got me for my birthday:*

*Carrot jockey not included.

They were pretty awesomely wrecky (note the "#1") but MAN, did they taste good. Jen and I were kinda bummed that they removed the cupcake wrapper before frosting them; that would have made a perfect wreck! Thanks again, guys!

Go Figure!

Today, class, we're going to learn the fine art of figure drawing.

First, decide if you want your figure to be male or female.

Both will only confuse people.

Next, arrange the limbs in a natural, comfortable-looking manner...


...always remembering that there are some things the human body simply cannot do.


Special circumstances, such as pregnancy, may be approached with a certain amount of artistic license. If the mom-to-be is self-conscious, feel free to make her stomach just a bit smaller than in reality.



The head should be connected with a graceful, appropriately proportioned neck:


If, however, you find that your head and body do not match up, simply employ the "hand out of nowhere" technique:

If anyone asks, it's doing a shadow puppet.

Or, if you find that hands are too difficult, simply leave them off:

Or for that matter, just omit all of the limbs and the head. After all, a well-drawn torso is more than capable of communicating the innate vitality and smooth, vivaciousness of youth:

Mmmm. Smooooth.

Thanks, Jessica G., Amy K., Misty S., Lynne T., Jessica S., Julie B., Bianca L., & Brinn M.! Win or lose, these Wrecks are quite the draw.

Sunday Sweets: Good Sports

Welcome back, cake fans, to our weekly installment of Sunday Sweets! Quick shout-out to our sponsor, Sports Cliché Week. "When your back's against the wall, don't drop the ball; if you don't know what to say, just reach for a cliché!

Now let's get straight to the action with a contender that pulls no punches:

By How Sweet It Is!

Now there's a player who leaves it all out on the field!

For our next Sweet, you could say success is in the bag.

By Natalie of Doodle Cakes

You just can't teach that.

And now the crowd is going wild, because it's a whole new ball game!

By Its a Piece of Cake

Go get 'em, Tiger.


This Sweet is completely on the ball:

By Cake Central member Anna902

It's a slam dunk!


Here's a Sweet that takes it to the next level:

By Charm City Cakes (aka Ace of Cakes)

Way to bring your A game, guys.


Most bakers talk a good game, but here's a contender who's clearly in a league of her own:

By The Cake Kitchen

Now that's knocking it out of the park!


What do you say we kick it up a notch?

By Eifel Cakes

Talk about a home run - that is some fancy footwork!


Speaking of which, this next Sweet really steps it up:

It's definitely a shoe-in for the most realistic cake doppelganger *I've* ever seen.

And in case you think I'm out of bounds even calling this a cake, here's a progress shot:

By Courtney of Cake Nouveau

You can tell she just wanted it more. (Uh... whatever that means.)


And finally, this player really has his game face on:

By Don Buciak II

Plus, he's completely fondant free!

Now that's giving it 110%.

I hope y'all enjoyed this Sweet Clichéd Treat! Oh, and believe it or not, there really IS a Sports Cliché Week - it just ended yesterday.

Summer Fun, Summer Not

We Floridians are lucky enough to have Summer all year around. (And by "lucky," I mean "sweaty.") For the rest of you, it's a good thing bakeries are pumping out Summer cakes like we're all going to melt tomorrow. {Checking Orlando weather... Oh wait, we are.} You can take these cakes as a reminder of all the fun activities you'll have this season!

Like taking your first bite of juicy watermelon:

There's nothing more satisfying on a hot "Summev" day than a slice of warm, leathery melon. Mmm.

And nothing says "Summer Fun" like a computer mouse and a bedroom slipper. Fun indeed!

Heh... yeah, those flip-flops sure are a computer mouse and a bedroom slipp...

{ushering the kids out of the room...}

OKAY, I'm just gonna say it because I know half of you are already thinking it. The flop on the right looks a little... enhanced. You know, like, manly? No? Alrighty then. (Step one: open gutter. Step two: remove mind.)

Taking a family trip to the beach is always a favourite:

I hope all that stuff is to scale.

(Really... picture it. Walk through it. C'mon, let's do it together. The birds are bigger than the people. The fish are bigger than the people. The shells are real, and they're also bigger than the people. And the people may or may not be naked. P.S.- tilted evergreen tree. That is all.)

You could say taking your first dip in the water is when Summer truly begins.:

Didn't their moms ever warn them to wait 30 minutes after eating? [Neck cramp! Neck cramp!]

But be careful out there, because creating your own personal Shark Week would be a total summer bummer:

"You're gonna need a bigger fork."

Happy Summer, everyone!

Jackie P., Jess K., Amber S., Paul and Connie, and Holly C., we hope your Summer is a cool and breezy 83 degrees. 'Cause it's freakin' hot here. Seriously. My fingers are sweating as I type this.

The Far Side of the Wreck

I grew up reading The Far Side. My folks owned several of the books, and I can remember many happy nights curled up with the dry wit and bizarre observations of Mr. Gary Larson. I have no doubt this affected my own somewhat twisted sense of humor, because sometimes - usually after seeing something just a bit off - I'll hear an unmistakably Larson-esque narration start in my head.

You know, kind of like this:

Alone and outnumbered, C3pO did his best to blend in.



After a spritz of soda and a quick scrubbing, no one would ever guess at the dark events that transpired that fateful, frosting-filled night.


"So I says to him, 'Hey, Rabbit, it's my house and I'll hang a singing fish if I want to. And if you don't like his politics, find yourself another honey pot!'"

Bob surveyed his handiwork with pride. If only the Society of Delicate Penmanship and Context-Appropriate Color Coordination could see him now!

Buck couldn't help it: he laughed.

Unfortunately, the hunter's hearing turned out to be much better than his eyesight.

Thanks, Leah W., Julie B., Jaclyn B., Deborah F., & Matt W. You guys are far out.