The Labor of Love

Sure, you could go with rubber duckies and baby blocks, but that's sooo last decade. Today's shower cakes are all about the biology of baby-making: tasty and educational!


And while you're at it, why not congratulate dad, too?



Of course, mom also did her part:

(Whoah, whoah, whoah! TMI, Dad, TMI!)

You could even illustrate the whole process with the aid of disturbing plant analogies:

(Raise your hand if you're going to have nightmares about daisies sprouting Alien-style from your midsection tonight. Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Alrighty, then.)

Granted, the process doesn't always start exactly the same way:

Thank goodness that cup is labeled. Otherwise, we'd have some concerned coffee drinkers on our hands right about now.

And what does all this love math equal?

(No, your eyes do not deceive you: that IS a Fetal Bite cookie in that there uterus cake. Excellent.)

And that brings us to the Big, Life-Changing Moment!

AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!

Yep, I'm changed for life.

Casey D., Heidi D., Hillary M., Kristin J., Jess, Shari W., & Tiffany D., when you're ready to have "the talk" with your kids, feel free to come back here for visual aids.

- Related Wreckage: First Impressions

NOTE: No, I'm not I'm trying to tell you something with this recent rash of baby shower posts. Are you forgetting this post? And this one? I just figured baby cakes in January made sense: new year, new babies? Yes? No?

Show Offs

Sometimes the things bakeries put in their display windows make you wonder: they do want people to buy their cakes, right?

Poor Thomas. All that pastel and plastic flotsam have turned him into the little engine that could - in a pinch - kill you.

Some people are afraid of clowns. Other people are afraid of robots.

Two groups, one cake:

YOU WISH ME TO THROW CREAM PIES? I'M SORRY, DAVE. I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT. YOU SEE, I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

If you're not afraid of clowns or robots, though, then this next specimen has you covered.

I can't quite pin it down, but something about this cake really bugs me.

Everybody knows nothing draws in the crowds quite like big-time Hollywood celebrities, though. So hey, why not feature Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, and Heath Ledger all in the same cake?

Well, I did say IN.

Oh, and if you're wondering what all those brown pellets are, there's a nice big rubber rat on hand to point your thoughts in the right direction. Yummm.


Bakers, just remember: the important thing with display cakes is to show potential customers what you're made of. Show them your raw talent, your years of experience, your impeccable sense of form and style, your...uh...

...your pipe cleaners?

Um. Ok. Yeah. You, go, you! Bend those pipe cleaners! And then...then smash them into that icing! Yeah! Woo! Haha!

Eric D., Monique R., Amy N., Vic., & Jill B., with time and effort you, too, might one day master the pipe cleaner arch.

UPDATE: Hey, would you believe that today is actually HAL 9000's birthday? Finally, my knack for unintentionally posting news-relevant entries results in something good!

- Related Wreckage: Bakery PSA

My Cake Wreck Is Greater Than Yours

Here at CW we've seen misspellings, random capitalization, improper punctuation, bizarre spacing - you name it.

But this?

This is a first.

Poor Jean/Sean.

"Ooo, sooorry, that is incorrect! We would have accepted '&', '+', or even the word 'and' written out. This, however, is so WTF crazy that the show key grips will now take you out back and shake you vigorously. Thanks for playing! Buh-bye, now!"

Emily W., your wreckporting skills > my expectations.

- Related Wreckage: Say What?

Sunday Sweets: When Gamers Marry

After seeing today's Sweets, I think you'll join with me in saying: Play on, Playahs - play on.

First, a cupcake mosaic (yes mosaic) that gives new meaning to the term "Link Love":

(Submitted by Sarah, but darned if I can't find her e-mail to source it. A little help?)

If you like this, be sure to check out the "classy" Zelda wedding video here; it features a similar Link cupcake mosaic. (And yes, "classy" IS in quotes.)

Here's one for you Wind Waker fans:

(Submitted by Amy & featured on Kotaku. Baker unknown.)

Moving beyond the land of Zelda, how about a Disney/old school SNES/Mii mashup?

(Submitted by Julie, made by Jen's Cakes, & topper by Paul Pape Designs)

All together now: Awwww. Love how the bride and groom displayed their Disney name tags, too.

And finally, we have to end with some serious Mario love:

This astoundingly detailed bit of Awesome was made by cake hobbyist Frances Clayton. (That's right, guys, she does this for a hobby, not a living.)

And when I say "astoundingly detailed," I mean astoundingly detailed. Check it out:

From a distance I thought all these tiny bits were printed on edible paper, but if you look closely you can see that they're all either molded fondant or piped icing or both. Yowza!

And it gets even awesomer.

Next, we take the amazing Mario wedding cake and surround it with amazing side cakes!

Mario Town*!

Frances' daughter Mariel sent in the first photo to brag on her mom, and then Frances herself sent in the second pic. Thanks, ladies!

*Yes, that IS a lame Taco Town reference. Sorry.

Oh! Wait! One more thing, while we're talking gamer sweets: if you're one of the few people on the planet who haven't seen these yet:


...then you need to check out the 100 Games Cupcake Game. It's 100 cupcakes, representing 100 games. If you can guess them all, then you get the geeky gamer gold star. (In a purely virtual, metaphorical sense, of course.)


- Similar Sweets: Super Mario Wedding Cake

Funny Business

NOTE: Getteth thine kiddies hence! (Translation: today's post is not for the youngun's!)

These clowns seem pretty excited about their cupcakes.

No, I mean really excited.

No, no. I mean REALLY excited.

"Oh! Uh. Hi, guys. Heheh. So, what's up?

"What are we doing? Who - us? Uh...nothing? Yeah, nothing. Nothing at all. Sooo....yeah. Listen, can you close that door again on your way out? And turn the Jimmy Buffett CD back on? Thanks. Yeah. You, too. Ok, then. Bye!"

"So I says to her, 'hey, baby, don't let the tiny clown car fool you; it's not the way you throw the cream pie, it's the way you put the tutu on the dog!' And she was all, 'What?' and I was like, 'never mind.' Yeah."


And then, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...

Something like this comes along:

Whatever you do, DO NOT click on this picture to see it full size. Srsly. Don't do it.

[whistling]



Ok, now that you've clicked on the picture to see it full size - care to join me in a "I could've gone my whole life without seeing clown tinkle toys" scream? Groovy.

AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!

Keith R., Will B., Jane O., Amy F., & Nicole V., I nominate "tinkle toys" as the new clown-bits euphemism for 2010. Any seconds?

- Related Wreckage: Coulrophobia Cakes

Note: The tinkle toys in the last picture were supposed to be buttons. Pink buttons.

Signs of Trouble

Sometimes, bakery wreckage isn't just limited to the cakes.

But what is it good for?
(Hooh! Good gah, y'all!)

I'll leave it up to you guys to explain what a "cake derator" does.
(Best definitions gets posted below!)

Every time a surly employee "apologizes," I picture him/her doing finger quotes kinda like this.
(And yes, this was taken in a bakery - pinky swear!)

"Honey, my mom is coming to stay for a few months. Isn't that great? I told her you wouldn't mind. Anyway, be a dear and go get a cake for us all to celebrate with, mkay?"

"You got it, sweetums! I know just the place..."

(From the Engrish "brog.")

And speaking of things to celebrate:

Personally, I like to celebrate cake as often as possible - with more cake.

And finally, a few favs from the archives:

Perfect!

Also known as "Bubble and Squeak."

(That's for you English Wreckies. Please, no need to thank me.)

The lawyers insisted.

Update: I've since heard from the owner of that last bakery, who as I recall blamed the sign on an in-law. Heh. At any rate, I think the sign has now been removed. See? Another example of the power of Wreckage, used for good! :D

Many "thanks" to wreckporters Robb & Abby, Allison M., Matt K., Steph, Kristen F., & Bonbon.

- Related Wreckage: Label Makers

"Winning" derator definitions:

"an apparatus for aerating a derrière after consumption of cake. See also: enema"

- webdance

"It's clearly a promotional tie-in to the new Indiana Jones movie: Derators of Delost Cake!"

- Christina

"combination of a confectioner's pastry and the Latin word deratoria, meaning "the unspeakable", a professional bakery employee who designs, quality checks, or creates cakes that render the recipients speechless.

But, I think the true essence of the term "Cake Derator" is in the anagram it creates: "Karate Decor."

(I like to imagine "Karate Decor" as being a baby's bedroom decorated with ninjas.)"

- Taylor@MyOlderBrothers

And how about a visual definition, courtesy of Reese B.?

Perfect for those "mouse-filled" party cakes!