While I agree that cake makes even bad news at least a little sweeter, there's still a right and a wrong way to break some news.
This is why fortune tellers should never become bakers.
[on the phone] "No, of course we're not celebrating that you didn't get parole, Trish; there's a frowny face on your cake and everything!"
Why, yes, that IS a used pregnancy test on the cake. (And you thought I'd never post it!)
"People, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good news: This is our last all-day staff meeting! Yeah!
"The bad news: We're going out of business because we can't afford the mortgage any longer.
"But wait! There's more good news: we have a cake."
"Oh, and more bad news: they spelled 'mortgage' wrong. Still, if one of you can get this baker fired and then take his or her job, then that's actually good news, right? Right? Guys? Where are you going? Hey, at least leave me a slice of cake! C'mon!"
Alicia A., Natalie H., Anony M., & Morganna B. were recognized as "Wreckporters of the Day" this morning in a brief online ceremony. Sadly, they received no cake.
Something tells me this bakery's e-mail ordering may need a little fine-tuning:
That, or something just didn't "click."
Note: You're dying to try that link, aren't you? Knew it. Well, it turns out if you include the final forward slash you get a broken link - but without it, voila!
NOTE: Mildly suggestive material ahead. Parents, please pre-read.
Today's cakes were sent in by a mister Seymour B.
(Ok, no they weren't, but that joke makes me snort.)
If your first thought upon seeing this cake was, "Look! A hidden Mickey!" then I want - no, need- to be your friend.
You know a Wreck is bad when calling it a "butt" is erring on the side of generosity:
Aaaagghh!! Where's the rest of him?
(Just look at that foot angle. C'mon.)
No butts here, (except this one ->) but I think someone took "Playboy Bunny" a little too literally:
And right out in public, too. Tsk, tsk.
And finally, there's this thing:
Right now you're probably wondering if this is a bird or a bunny. In a few more seconds, though, you're going to notice how, er, ballsy the Wreckerator was with the design. Next you'll note the unfortunate placement of all that hair. Then the use of the color blue. And finally, you'll have an uncontrollable urge to e-mail this link to all of your friends and family - except Uncle Fred. (Fred's such a killjoy.)
Then, when I snap my fingers, you'll want to go to the nearest tattoo parlor and get "Cake Wrecks Rocks!" inscribed somewhere really obvious on your body. Ready? Annnnd...[snapping fingers]
Hey Becca, Kelly F., Anna C., & Alison R., ever consider permanent body art? Yes? Excellent.
When I went Easter Sweet hunting this year, I found that my favs were less about technical skill and elegance and more about adorably funny characters that made me laugh. So, hey, I'm going with it. Here's hoping they give you a smile, too.
First, the right way to do a lamb cake:
Just try and look at that face without doing a giggle-awww.
(By Nancy Courtney, who gives simple instructions [the legs are Twinkies!] here.)
(By the always amazing Bakerella. Click the link for her instructions.)
I'm a sucker for blobular characters. And itty-bitty feet. And cake. So really, this is a win-win-win.
More cute chicks:
(Sub'd by Laura H., made by Cake Central member eniq)
Quite possibly the sweetest bunny cake I have ever seen:
It's time once again to look at that most Wrecky of cake traditions: the lamb cake. This cake seems to be dependent on either shredded coconut and jelly beans:
This face may haunt my dreams.
...or an assortment of flotsam just baffling enough to distract you from the fact that there's a pipe cleaner glued on for its nose:
If the pipe cleaner doesn't work for you, there's also some handy curling ribbon dental floss.And tulips. Growing out of the lamb's back. You know, just 'cuz.
Here's one inspired by Sesame Street:
And then one by Elm Street:
This silent menace poses the question: do you eat it, or does it eat you?
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Yeah, like that.
Now, [singing] awwww...freak out!!
Whoah, Nellie! What's worse: the clumpy yellow and pink sponges, the oddly finger-like "legs" jammed in the icing, or the fact that *I* don't have crazy window displays like these in my town?
Natalie S., Angela R., Melissa M., JB., Amanda M., & Kyra S., I think we all know the answer to that. - Related Wreckage: Chick Chicky Boom
Far be it from me to try and fool you guys on April Fool's Day. Hey, when Mensa names you one of their top 50 sites of 2010[Note: Woohoo!] you know your readers are far too clever for those kinds of shenanigans.
Besides, today is also my brother Ben's birthday, and I've just realized that in all these years my family has never pulled a cake prank on him. This must be remedied. So, let's look at some trick "cake" contenders.
First is something I featured a long time ago: the "sandwich loaf."
First this cruel creation tricks you into thinking luscious buttercream and layer cake is on the menu. Then - WHAMMO! - you've got a pimento-flecked mixture of salmon, mayonnaise, cream cheese, and sour cream tickling your taste buds gag reflex.
[Mercifully the sandwich loaf passed out of favor over thirty years ago, but there are still places making them today if you're looking for a way to make your friends and family hate you.]
Moving on to something slightly more edible, how about a frosted roll of toilet paper?
(What? I did say "slightly.")
Locusflower made this classic cake prank for a manager who was leaving. Here's the end result of the toilet paper cake:
Tadaa!
So perfect, and yet so cruel. Heheh.
On the less cruel and more cool side, check out what WhisperAWish made for her kid's lunch today:
Those "cupcakes" are made of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and the "grilled cheese sandwiches" are pound cake with icing. Love it!
Plus, look how realistic the sandwich can be when you toast the pound cake:
With this kind of food doppelgangery, I have to say I'd rather expect something else and be surprised by cake than the other way around. But then, when it comes to food, I pretty much prefer cake over everything. [personal motto: "Cake: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore."]
For those of you who don't mind the occasional meat cake, though, here's a clever one by CW reader Maayan Z:
Ever since the Black Widow Bakery first kicked off the craze, I've seen a lot of meat cakes. This one, however, raises the bar with those cheese decorations. Of course, I have to condemn the very existence of this cake on principle alone, but other than that - nice job, Maayan!
Getting back to the tricks, though, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the classic balloon cake prank. The concept is simple: carve out a cavity in your cake, place an inflated balloon in it, and ice over the whole thing. When the victim goes to cut the cake, POP!
Variation include filling the balloon with whipped cream (big mess) or water like in the video above (even bigger mess). I've also seen "cakes" made of everything from upholstery foam to kitchen sponges, which results in some small hilarity when the victim tries to cut through it.
So, what do you think, Wreckies? Which one should my brother be looking out for? [wicked grin] Or, tell me the best cake prank you've seen in the comments - I like options. (Just no overly cruel ones, please; I've seen the wedding vids with the bride near tears - not cool.)
Oh, and Ben? Happy birthday, big brother! Let's get together real soon. ;)
This is why fortune tellers should never become bakers.
"Oh, and more bad news: they spelled 'mortgage' wrong. Still, if one of you can get this baker fired and then take his or her job, then that's actually good news, right? Right? Guys? Where are you going? Hey, at least leave me a slice of cake! C'mon!"
