Gorilla Tactics

Customer: "Hi, there. I'd like a cake that looks something like this:

...Can you do that?"

Wreckerator: "Oh sure! We do these all the time. You want some sprinkles on it? Might add a little something!"

Customer: "Er, no."

Wreckerator: Okey-doke-aroony! [folds arms and nods head, Jeannie-style]

::Doink!::

Customer [recoiling in horror]: Holy Schnikes! What is that?

Wreckerator: Not quite perfect? Here, I'll try again.


::Doink!::

Customer: Um. Maybe this was a bad idea...

Wreckerator: No! Wait! I can do this!

::Doink::

Customer: I'm pretty sure that's a pig...


::Doink!::

Customer: Riiight. Well, I think we're done here...

Wreckerator: Wait! Forget the monkey! [shuffling photos] How about these lovely palm trees?

Customer: Well, I really wanted the monkey...

Wreckerator: [straining]

::KER-DOINK!::

Customer: You know, I think I'll just grab a box of cake mix and can of frosting instead.

Thanks to Tiffany, Jenelle R., Sam L., Sabra L., and Trish S., who are all cheeky monkeys, because I say so.

A Marriage in Idle

Welcome back...to...A Marriage In Idle.

Our first contestant Susan has dreams of flying high, but does she have more than a wing and a prayer? Let's find out.

"Hi, my name is Susan, and I'm going to do Wind Beneath My Wings:"

Darla: "Ok, Sweetie, go ahead."

Susan: [cracking knuckles] "Alright. Here goes."

Darla: "Um... Ok! Randall? What do you think?"

Randall: "I dunno, dawg. I mean, it was really pitchy there in the middle, you know, when it almost fell over? And you just didn't go high enough. Sorry."

Darla: "I have to agree with Randall. When I look at you, I see JOY. But I just don't taste the joy. What? Nigel, why are you always laughing at me?"

Nigel: [eye roll] "Look, Susan, I simply don't know what to say to you. It was complete and utter crap. Oh, hey, I guess I did know what to say."

Next up is Michael, who hopes his rendition of Under the Sea won't leave the judges all wet.

[voice cracking] "Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm going to do Under the Sea.

Um. Should I just start?"

Nigel: "YES, Michael. While the sun's still up, if you please."

"Oh, Ok."

Nigel: [head in hands] "Oh, Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael."

"Uh. Yes, Nigel?"

"THAT, Michael, was completely -and I mean this in all seriousness - completely and irrevocably the worst thing I have ever seen created in five years. It was a nightmare. A total nightmare."

Randall: "Yeah, sorry, dawg."

Darla: "Maybe next year. Don't lose that sparkle!"

Can our next contestant Kelli win the judges over, or will her wreck get in the way?

"Hi there! I'm Kelli, and I'm going to do The Words Get in the Way."

Randall: [sucking air through teeth] "Oooh. Wow. I'm sorry, dawg, but that was not good. What do you think, Darla?"

Darla: "There's something very special about you, Kelli. A kind of hazy...colorful...haze. Yeah. In fact, I think...I think I love you. OW! Nigel, what was that for?"

Nigel: "Darla, don't make me take away your sippy cup again."

Kelli: "Um...so...does that mean I win?"

Nigel: "Kelli, there aren't enough words in the English language to adequately describe how terrible that was. Looking at your cake is like having my eyes plucked out, wrapped in burlap, and beaten with a cactus. I'm actually nauseated. You disgust me."

Kelli: "So...no?"

Wow, it's been a rough night for our wreckerators. Will Billy, our final contestant of the night, turn things around?

"My name's Billy, and I'm gonna rock your worlds with Pretty Pink Ribbons, by Cake."

Randall: "Wow. Nice choice."

Billy: "Yes, sir. Prepare to be amazed."

Darla: "WHAT IN THE H...[falling out of chair]...oooph!"

Randall: "Sorry, Darla. Here, have your sippy cup."

Darla: [from floor] "Bad! Baaaad!!"

Randall: "Yeah, I gotta say, dawg, that is pretty heinous. Nigel?"

Nigel: "I rather like it."

Jenna C., Josee, Diana B., & Katie C., I'd say your wedding wrecks and a snarky British judge are a match made in heaven.

What The Buck

Hi-ho! It's Number 1 again. You know, lately, maybe due to hunting season (wait, when IS hunting season?) we've seen an influx of deer cakes. Now, sure, the customers got a raw deal with these wrecks, but as an animal-lover I think it's also important to see things from the deer's perspective.

Take this guy. Here he was, minding his own business, when someone came along and punched him in the eye!

Poor defenseless little creat.... wait, is that a cupcake cake? Gimme your rifle.

Just think of how difficult it must have been for this cross-eyed deer to see his way out of the forest fire:

"My rack! My rack! My rack is on fi-yurrr!"

(Why am I suddenly craving roasted almonds?)

And do you know how hard it is for poor Stumpy here to navigate the forest underbrush on a Roomba?

Frankly, my deer, it sucks.

Our next friend is just swell:

Somebody get Puffy here a Benadryl.

So, the next time you're faced with a wrecky deer cake, don't be so quick to judge. They've been through a lot, what with hunters and fires and allergic reactions and earthquakes and killer bee swarms... so can we just vow to leave these vulnerable deer alone??

OMG, wait. This one looks delicious.

Fudgy icing, angel hair pasta, and raspberry jam? That's great taste and execution!

Thanks, Marisa W., Terri C., Bonnie, cewest84, and Zephyr! If you ever hoof it over to my side of town, give me a rein! You're all I really caribou, and I promise not to leave you stag! (Not really. Please don't call me.)

Great Expectations

There are plenty of ways to tell your friends, family, and significant others that you're pregnant.

I wouldn't recommend any of these.

OMG - LOL!

Um...

U R j/k, right?

Yeah, when breaking news this big you should really spell it out:

(You're doing *what* to a baby?)

Especially for your better half:

"Pregant?"

Sounds serious.

And on her birthday, too.

This one gets a little saucy:

Say it with me now:

"It's in there."

(Ah, Retro commercial slogans for the win!)

Still, when someone has been trying for so long to achieve what comes naturally to others, it's only right that we celebrate such a monumental accomplishment:

See, they managed to squeeze the "m" in.

Thanks to Wreckporters Margo K., Roberto S., Margaret J., Cheri P., & Kristen B., who are all expecting.

Hm?

Oh! A large piece of cake, I mean. Yeah, they're expecting cake.

Sorry about that pregnant pause there; I was distracted by my own little bun in the oven.

It's cinnamon. It smells delicious.

Sunday Sweets: More Mario Mania

Ah, classic video games and cake: it just doesn't get much better.



Now, Yoshi is hard to resist anyway, but mold him in chocolate...

Yeah, I'd say "YEAH!" is about right. ;)

(Sub'd by Josh G, & made by his lovely girlfriend Lindsay H.)

Also ranking insanely high on the "irresistible" scale is this grumpy goomba:

(Sub'd by Jake & originally posted here, but the baker isn't listed.)

As a bonus bit of geek cred, I hear those music notes are the Mario 1-1 theme song.
My mind, it is boggled.

This next one is actually made with brownies, but I couldn't resist including some old-school 8-bit action:

(Sub'd by Amanda C. and originally posted here, where you can also see an 8-bit Link.)


This delicious diorama comes all the way from Scotland:

Made by Fay of Fay's Cakes for her son.
(Hey, Fay, you looking to adopt any thirty-something geek gamers? Just curious.)


And because I'm in love with that little bomb:

Ok, seriously: I want this entire cake in a plush, so I can love it and squeeze it and call it "da bomb." Do you think that can be arranged, LisaFemmeFondant? :)

And finally, a Mario face-off:

(Made & submitted by Wrecks fan Eleanor H.)

So perfect, it's hard to believe it's cake! Gorgeous.


Lots of fun coming up next weekend: John and I will be attending Star Wars Celebration V here in Orlando, so naturally next Sunday will be all Star Wars Sweets! If you have one to nominate, send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com. (And if you're going to be at Star Wars Celebration, be sure to say 'hi' if you see us!)

Wreck's This? The Musical

If you enjoyed Wednesday's "What's This?" post, then have I got a treat for you!

Prepare to have your mind blown.

Then push 'play.'

This work of genius is by Joel Bradshaw, a talented Wreckie with mad video editing skilz and even madder taste in blogs. Thanks for making my week, Joel! When our bid for Wrecky World Dominion is complete, you'll be first on the list for promotion to head henchperson. ;)