Cheat Sheet Cakes

"Excuse me, but what is this cake supposed to be?"

"That? That's a princess tiara, of course."

"Seriously? Wow. I never would've got that. Uh. Thanks."

....

"Sorry to bother you again, but could you tell me what this icing blobby bit here is?"

"It's a telephone."

"And this one over here?"

"That's a poodle."

"And that?"

"Tank covered in butterflies."

"I...see. Thanks."

.........

"Hi again. I was just wondering...."

*sigh* "Look, lady, do I have to label everything in this bakery for you?"

[brightening] "Oooh, if you wouldn't mind..."

"FINE."

(If you're thinking this is getting a little ridiculous, just wait.)

Theeeere it is.

Thanks to MWD, Sandi G., Joshua L., Betsy N., Ed P., and Nicole P., who know better than to believe everything they read. (That's obviously Oscar. [head tilt] Or maybe Rizzo.)

MMMMMMM&m's

Ahh, M&Ms. Am I right? Except the green ones really have no effect on me, so that's totally false advertising right there. Well, unless bloating counts. (No? Then, no.)

So anyway, what could be better than M&Ms on cake? And it's so easy! Just sprinkle a few tastefully here and there, and...

Oh.

Yeah, well. I'd still eat it.


Or, if you're really ambitious, you could just cover the whole cake with 'em:

You missed a few spots.


Or, let's say you want the cake to scream "M&Ms!" only without using any:

"Rawr! We are the dread pirate M&Ms!"

Red: "Really? I thought we were zombie dinosaurs."

Blue: "Ug. Judging by this thing on my head I'd say we're pigeon targets."

And for you master bakers, why not try a beautifully sculpted, full size M&M guy?

Maybe try a recipe with a little less collagen, though.

And finally, your moment of migraine-inducing zen:

Can't read it?

The trick is to half cross your eyes, tilt your head at a precise 42 degree angle to the right, and then have a friend hit you soundly across the face with a stapler.

Or just keep staring. You'll feel the same either way in about five minutes.

Kerum S., Janet, Marcus J., John D., & Jessica S., not that stapler. That's my stapler. Don't touch my stapler.

Directionally Challenged

When it absolutely, positively has to be spelled out in living color:

...these wreckerators know how to deliver.


My guess is ordering a cake with "Deaonerax" on it will always be wreckworthy...

...whatever the case may be.

And something tells me this customer may have been in arrears*:

But I'm sure it all worked out in the end.

(*arrears = "behind in paying money that is owed." *snort* *snicker* *giggle*)


Hey, ever wonder what goes down at the scene of a literal LOL? Well, thanks to Mel. B., reality show "star," now we know:

Thanks to Kendra C., Dea B., and Katie M., who, of all my Wreckporters, are literally the most recent.

**Also, a big "congrateralutaions" to Dana, who we *hope* responded in the affirmative to her main squeeze Greg's oh-so decent proposal this morning. Be sure to send us pics of your wedding cake, guys! :)

Resolution Time

Each January, millions of people around the world use the dawning of a new year as a reason to stop eating HoHos. And each January, millions of people fail miserably.

[shaking fist] (I wish I knew how to quit you, HoHos!)

But not this year...

This year, I resolve to:

Eat more fruits and vegetables.

This counts, right?

Cut down on my caffeine intake.

...especially while baking. It makes your hands shake and there's nothing worse than dropped Bawls.

Take responsibility for my mistakes - even the itty-bitty ones that no one else would ever really notice.

The frownie face shows I'm sincere.

Learn Esperanto.

So I can be more like Captain Kirk.

And finally, stop selling babies on the black market.

...or at least start packaging them better. (Customs can be such a pain in the butt.)

Thanks Rachel T., Lisa, Alicia G., Monique R., Jessica R., Karilee S. Hmm, Captain Kirk, beer and herpes. I think I remember that episode...

The Cake Wrecks Hangover Cure

[lowering lights]

[tiptoeing closer]

[whispering] Good morning, sunshine! Happy New Year. How's your head?

Oooh, that bad, huh? Well, I know you partied pretty hard this weekend, so we're gonna take today's post nice and slow and easy. Like a peaceful, breezy feeling. A sweet, cool, stomach-calming....

Oh.

Sheesh, what'd they frost that thing with, marshmallows and warm head cheese?

Hm?

OH, right! Sorry, sorry!

Aw, you're looking a little pale. You know what would help? More cake.
[nodding knowingly]

How convenient! The Oreos come pre-chewed!


Whoa, there, pal. You sure are sweating a lot.

Quick, take a look at this:

I'd say the fly died after seeing the moldy strawberry. What do you think?


Wow. I've never actually seen someone turn that shade of green before. Fascinating.


Well, listen. Maybe you shouldn't scroll down any further.


No, really, I mean it.


You really shouldn't be scrolling down here in your condition.


Or any condition, for that matter.


In case you haven't figured it out yet, this last cake is really, really gross.


Like, life-time-trauma level disgusting.


You're still scrolling.


What are you, some kind of sadomasochist?


I'm telling you, this thing is NASTY.


Well...


Ok.


But don't say I didn't warn you.


Last chance to scroll back!


Aaaand...


Prepare to squirm:

[yelling] The bathroom's the first door on your left! Happy New Year!


Anony M., Carissa S., Jessica, & Anony M., thanks for kick-starting my New Year's diet plan.

Sunday Sweets: Baby Cakes

Wow. Can you believe it's 2011? What happened to 2008?!? I'm still writing 2003 on my checks. And I'm still writing checks. Man, I'm getting old.

*sigh*

Anyway, Jen told me to write Sunday Sweets this week. Yup. She told me. (Jen's having a hard time letting go of Christmas break right now. I swear she just said we're leaving the tree up 'til March.) So I figured, since it's the new year, I should feature new stuff, right? And what's newer than babies, am I right?

Look! Baby!

Made by Pink Cake Box

Awwwww. Seriously, I'm tearing up over here. Oh, and there's an awesome cake there, too.

This next one has the word baby on it so it totally counts:

Made by The Cake Mamas

My mom tells me I had baby shoes just like that. I'm beginning to think she wanted a girl.

Made by It's A Piece Of Cake

I'm loving the soap bubble borders.

Submitted by Cameron and made by Karren's Specialty Cakes & Confections

As an artist, I'm absolutely amazed by the detail on the fondant fabric. I mean, look at the green trim on the crib skirt: It has stitching!

Made by Sugarshack

Simply sublime stripes.

Made by Sweet Irene

I always wanted a rocking horse when I was a kid. 'Course, mine would have had flames down the sides and scary red eyes, but this one isn't bad, either.


Hey, look! Another baby on a cake!

Made by Cakerific

A baby duck that is. Admit it: That is the most adorable baby duck standing on the edge of a house boat staring at a bottle you have ever seen. Though I think it needs a thought bubble that reads, "Aww, quap." Am I right?

Made by Wreckie David T's fiance. (Psst, David! Tell us her name!)

I know what you're thinking: shouldn't that clown have huge pointy teeth and a butcher knife? I wondered the same thing, but apparently the baker was going for super-cute-fun-happy-joy-joy. Which I'd say she totally nailed.

Submitted by Liz S., Baker unknown. (Anyone recognize it?)

Jen and I once made a cake a little like this for Sweet Baby James. Of the billions of lions we attempted, I'm pretty sure not one of them was this perfect.

And finally:

Made by Kassie

Talk about a sweet tweet!!

Well, everyone, thanks for another great year of patronage, puns, and plenty of pastry...um...Wrecks. Here's to a 2011 filled with more laughter, joy, and goodness than we can possibly stand. Sláinte!


Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.