I'm Guessing They Didn't Have a Matching Card

Well, at least it didn't say "Happy".
(And you have to admit: the glowsticks are an inspired touch.)

Mmmm, cancer rat.

Slice of dead Lenin, anyone?

I mean, it looks just like Lenin's perfectly preserved corpse, so I know you're salivating already. Why, just look how excited the kiddies are!

"No, not the cold shoulder; I want a slice of the iron fist! Now quit Stalin and get me some Lenin-ade to wash it down with, or this joint won’t be getting any high Marx from me."

Of course the best part was saved for the VIPs:


Ah, a little jawbone with a scoop of ice cream on the side... [kissing fingertips] magnifique!


Ellie P., Whitney G., & Ann W., I think I'm going to need a Unicorn Chaser, stat.

- Related Wreckage: Any Occasion Will Do


UPDATE: Wow, thanks for all the entries in the dead Lenin caption contest, guys! The winning caption is a combination of what Taylor, Jenniffer, the Suttons, & Anne S. wrote. Oh, and my friend Abby came up with "slice of the iron fist."

And here are a few more that made me laugh:

"Lenin cake again?" - Ivory Girl

"I said I wanted a LEMON cake." - Judy

"Well, it’s better than cancer rat.” – Chris

"Crotch, please!" - BookTender

Say What?

Ah, sweet failures in communication.

Pushy, pushy. You WILL be Miss Charles, hear? Now, love PF Changs! Love them!!

At least it sounds right when you read it aloud. Although you do have to wonder: if you don't know, what makes you think the people eating your cake will?

Some folks just can't resist telling everyone when they're finished with a task. "G-r-e-a-t...J-o-b...there! Done!"

Resistance is futile.

Lindsay J., Tracey B., Amy J., & Anony M., congradulations on are job done.


- Related Wreckage: Jen Pipes Down

Sunday Sweets: More Potter!

Once a week here on Cake Wrecks we post the best of the best of the best cakes out there. And most of the time, the comments go a little something like this:

"Oooooohh pretty!"

Last week, however, sparked a debate rarely seen in these parts, and instead of comments we got seven page dissertations on popular 20th century children's literature and its effect on modern culture and resulting religious, racial and socioeconomic implications. And guess who had to moderate all those comments? That's right: me.

Every.

Last.

Word.

So this week, we're going to look at some more Potter sweets, but we're gonna do it a bit differently. This week we're gonna look at the pretty pictures, and when we're done, we're gonna do our comments Twitter style, meaning 140 letters or less. Capisce? Everybody with me? Okay then. Here goes.

(Made by Yulia)

Ooooh, pretty.

(Made by WhiplashGirlchild)

Lookit the potion bottle! Cool!

(Made by Courtney Clark of Cake Nouveau)

Game of Quidditch, anyone?

(Made by Pricilla from Pricilla's Cottage)

Bernard, you lucky bum.

(Made by Chotda)

This is a Mandrake, and I'm pretty sure the pot is cake, too.

(Made by Springlakecakes)

It must have been deeply satisfying to take a bite out of the Monster Book of Monsters.

(Made by Britta)

It lights up! Like magic!

(Made by Deanna's Aunt Despina and found here)

Awww. Hedwig's looking charmingly chubby here.

And that wraps up our Potter Sweets - hope you all enjoyed!

As always, if you'd like to nominate a Sweet you can send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

- Similar Sweets: Harry Potter

A Series of Unfortunate Monograms

Who thought this was a good idea?

Or this?

(Never in my life have I so fervently hoped that a cake was chocolate.)

Or, Aunt Flo help us, this?

"So, when's the party?"

"At the end of the month."

Amy M., Jenna B., & Kim W., URQTs. At least, I like to think that you are. Not in a creepy way, of course, or like I know firsthand because I secretly stalk you or anything...that would just be weird. I mean, look, I'm just trying to give you a friendly compliment, in a completely platonic, non-stalker-esque kind of way, Ok? Ok. As you were.


- Related Wreckage: Can You Make a Freudian Slip in Icing?

Basket Case

John here with a wrecky collage of cakes which are “near and dear” to my heart: sports cakes.

I like to think one of the reasons Jen was first attracted to me (besides my devastating, Kiefer-Sutherland-before-he-got-too-skinny-on-24 good looks*, of course) is my natural affinity for sports. Sure, I don't like to watch them much, or talk about them, or really play any, but I am way more knowledgeable on the subject than Jen is. (Granted, Jen thinks 4D chess deserves its own Olympic category, so that's not saying much, but still...)

Anyway, I've been asked to shed a little testosterone-fueled light on some of these here basketball cakes. Here goes.

The first thing to know is that the ball is round. Like so:

(In the decorator's defense, it is really hard to make a round cake. It’s not like they make pans for that kind of thing.)

This baker solved the round problem with a classic "spinning rug of poo on a bed of scrapple" approach:

Then again, maybe it's not spinning so much as it is sprouting ear hair... which raises a bunch of other questions I won't get into right now.

(Oh, and this is probably a good place to mention that it’s never a good idea to change tips and/or Wreckerators mid-cake. Nobody likes mismatched balls.)

Next we have the ever popular basketball-flower-with-an-obligatory-face cake:

What’s with all the faces on balls anyway? Is there a rule that says that all round objects on a cake have to be looking at you?

And if so, what kind of occasion calls for a nauseous basketball, anyway?

"Ug, I think I'm about to dribble, if you catch my drift..."

At least this last one looks happy, if a bit demented.

Aaaand we’ve come full circle with the round thing again. Given that they're both dreaded CCCs *ptooie* , that's not much of a surprise.

So in conclusion, sports are an inspiring blah blah blah full of life lessons blah blah blah, funny joke that showcases my wit and charm... blah blah.


Jessica S., Hallie S., Tara M., Erin K., and Ann Marie W., try to contain yourselves, please; I'm happily married**.


- Related Wreckage: Have a Ball!


* Jen wrote that, not me. (I would have gone with a Matt Damon/Brad Pitt mash-up.)

**And by "happily" I mean "ecstatically overjoyed with every passing day" - er, did I get that right, Sweetie?

Hello, Kitty?

Hello Kitty is the epitome of all things cute, to an almost nauseating degree:

However, put her in the hands of these bakers and she becomes a puff-faced gerbil with a glandular problem:


This next one is deceptively nice, other than the RSS-icon hair bow...

...but then you realize that massive domed face is ALL icing, slathered onto a...a....[swallowing] CUPCAKE CAKE!! [blood-curdling scream]


I think this next baker tried to make a Hello Kitty vampire, but since HK has no mouth it turned out a little...odd.

Transplanted walrus tusks, or dangling fingers? I suppose either works on the cracked black background. Oh, and maybe this is just me, but I find that a vampire who waves totally loses all "cool" credibility. Seriously. Can you picture Dracula waving? Of course not. It's just not dignified.

Now, if you want a creepy Hello Kitty done right, you do what Bonefinder did:

Zombie Hello Kitty - excellent!

And lastly, Julie M. found out the hard way that her local bakery either has no idea who Hello Kitty is, or believes she is Porky Pig's sister:

Yes, that's really supposed to be Hello Kitty. Wow.

Hey Ayana W., Holly U., Kelly H., and Matthew Z., what do you get when you combine Hello Kitty & Darth Vader?

Answer: Something that horrifies every Star Wars fan in existence:

Everyone can relax; it's Photoshopped. For legitimate HK insanity, though, check out Hello Kitty Hell. It's funny stuff, although I'd be lying if I said I didn't think a lot of the stuff on there is adorable. (Look at these water bottles and tell me they're not just the cutest - go on.)